As I have said, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I like to think, sometimes. But, of course, that doesn't mean I'm good at it. Some people like to sing, and anyone who has attended a karaoke session knows that doesn't mean they have to be good at it. So in a sense, it feels like I have some sort of gall (or misapprehension about my talents) to write a blog based on what I think.
It is a lot easier to write a blog about what I feel. Which is what my other blog was largely about. No one can argue with you about what you feel. People will just willingly (for the most part) read it and try to come along with you and understand your feelings. That is really quite a generous thing about them. It also is reflective of a cultural understanding/assumption about the nature of feelings. In any case, writing my other blog, about my feelings and experiences, was MUCH easier than this.
Because now I am dealing with thinking. And that is sorta subjected to a higher level of criticism. At least, I hope it is. I hope it is, even though that idea gives me pause.
The one thing about self-delusion is that your self is deluded. By which I mean that those most ill-suited to sing are often the last to see it. You can't have ever watched "American Idol" and not know this. It is the WORST singers that get furious and yell at the judges. And in a sense, I feel like I am getting up on stage in front of a group of judges and opening up my mouth to pour out not music but thoughts. And the judges might have to tell me that "Hey, I think you shouldn't quit your day job." (don't worry, I won't yell at you)
Which is as it should be, and also frightening. I think I mentioned in a previous blog that I am really quite a chicken.
And also, while thinking, I try and examine my thoughts. At times, I find them not good. I mean, I have found my own reasoning to be flawed. Erroneous. Poorly constructed. Which is a bit disheartening, when your realize this.
I would be totally worried about myself, and the directions I might take in life, if I didn't believe in the Bible as THE word of God. Oh, OK, let me say that I am still sometimes worried. I mean, even my thoughts about the Bible are often flawed. But because I believe the Bible is God's word, and I believe that God has promised in the Bible that He will keep me safe in His word as I read it and trust Him to do this, well, I have a sense of security. My thoughts are flawed, but God and His word are not.
Some of you are of course reading this and thinking (to yourself if you are trying to be polite, otherwise you might write it in comments and then it wouldn't be just thinking anymore. Not that disagreeing is not polite, only I think you might think the word "Hooey" but say it a bit "nicer.") "What a lot of HOOEY. Seriously, she's so right about not being a good thinker." And at this point all I can say is "Hey, please, give me a chance, after all, you don't know WHY I believe that. You only know why you DON'T believe it."
Oh, I just read that last paragraph and it made me laugh because it is assuming that anyone who disagrees with me is reading this, but are they? I have no idea... so let's just pretend.
Anyway, back to thinking, and whether or not the thinking is logically justifiable or reasonable or well-knit or whatever you want to call it. Thinking is not really in vogue, I don't think. Feeling and experience really are more... desirable? for our present time. Still, you can't escape from thinking, (well, maybe you can, but that is a different topic) and most of us would say there is still some benefit and necessity for thinking.
There is a lot of mistrust of authority. And it is not entirely unjustified. We often don't entirely trust "authority" figures, most particularly those who are not in "scientific" fields. We suspect their motives and thus question some of the things they say. Which is to say, we think about their thoughts carefully. Critically. Sometimes even with great suspicion. Depending, of course, who it is and what they are trying to tell us.
Here is a problem I think we have, though. You can think about my thoughts and see if you think they are good. Or not.
But I think that we have erroneously equated wrong thinking to those in authority because they have ulterior motives. And we sort of believe that "authority" or the desire for it, is the problem. You know, "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." I can't and wouldn't even attempt to deny some truth to that.
So we question people who try and claim some sort of authority. Most particularly those people whom we find ourselves disinclined to agree with. Like me, for example. Trying to say there is some sort of objective and absolute truth to the Bible. You might question that. And why shouldn't you? I mean, if you disagree, isn't the onus on me, in a sense. Why should you just swallow what I say without any reason or evidence?
Thing is, so often we forget that WE are also an authority. Every one of us. We are an authority to ourselves, we are autonomous beings. And we also have ulterior motives. And most of the time, our irrational, erroneous, mistaken thoughts come out of our ulterior motives.
Classic example: The person we know who is having an affair with a married man. And they continue this relationship for years. All signs and evidence points to the fact that the man is not going to leave his wife and kids. Still, though we want to shout at our friend, "Can't you see the truth!" they continue on in this affair in the hope that one day, the man will leave his wife and marry them.
And then, one day, they "come to their senses" so to speak. They break it off with the man. "How could I have lied to myself like that?" they ask. "Why didn't I see the truth?" Well, we all know, don't we? They really wanted to believe, so they did.
Because our thinking can be subjected to our ulterior motives, or even just to our "experience." (this is just one hypothetical example, but I'm sure you can think of many more real life ones) And if our hypothetical friend really enjoys being with this man, if the experience of being with him makes her feel good feelings of being loved, well, to be honest from what I have seen, experience wins most of the time. Most of the time, we allow ourselves to have our thinking warped by our ulterior motives.
We call that "justifying" what we do. There is a biblical definition to the word "justification" but that is not the way I'm using it here. I mean that we bend our thinking to give us "reasons" to do what we really want to do, and to believe what we really want to believe. But our thinking has been flawed by our ulterior motives or fooled by our experience. And sometimes our justifying intellectually our experiences or desires, sometimes it really leads us into doodoo.
Am I wrong? I don't think so. :)
Which brings us to the point of asking "Who can we believe?" I mean, what is a person to do? You can't trust the thinking of other people, because their "thinking" might be warped due to their ulterior motives, but hey, the same thing might be true of us.... hmmmmm?
Difficult situation, isn't it? Most of us just try to make do with ourselves. After all, if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? Well, trust yourself if you like, if that is the best you can do. I know I can't really trust myself. Yes, I have to rely on my thinking. There is a sense that my thoughts are the best I got. I realize this.
But I know I have to test my thoughts too. I can't be objective about them. But can I try to be. And the best my thoughts can do, the most logic I can muster and all that, leads me to the Bible and to God. Testing it out as much as I can, thinking about it with the best of my thoughts, it has not failed me.
Which brings me to trust it. And then, the odd thing is, the Bible shows me that God Himself has been calling me all along. That His Spirit has been convicting me of my wrong and faulty thinking. That God Himself has been speaking truth into my heart, waiting for me to accept it all along. The Spirit of God, according to the Bible, is the revealor of the hidden motives of our heart. And so, I am trusting God, who led me to the Bible and to Jesus.
It is a weird sort of 20/20 hindsight. Because the odd thing is, I have come to believe, trust, see as True, things that would not naturally appeal to many of my ulterior motives. And though I am trusting God to lead me into all truth, I know that there is still a choice I make, I can still allow ulterior motives to bend my thoughts. And sometimes still do.
Maybe I'll explain that more another day. This is a long, long blog. You many find the thoughts here to be irrational, off base, not clear, not worth much. They are the best I could do under the circumstances. All I ask of you is that if you reject them as being uninteresting, unreasonable or uncompelling, that you first make sure that you are checking out your own ulterior motives.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Connections
I am having a serious difficulty knowing where to begin in my blog posts. So, I am going to give a bit of background about myself and how some of my "thinking" got started here. Maybe that will clarify some things for you, and maybe it will help me decide what order I want to release my many and various thoughts...
If you read my previous blogs, you already know something about my and my beliefs. Just a bit. If you came to this blog from my other blog, "Rainbows & Earthquakes," then you might know a lot more about me. But my other blog is primarily about thoughts and feelings and experiences of the last year of my son's life, his death, and thereafter. This blog is definitely a bit different.
This year I have sort of felt like I have been slowly "waking up" and making a "Rip Van Winkle" sort of discovery that things have changed. What "things" am I speaking of? Hard to know where to begin. But the most shocking changes have been in the world of faith and religion.
How did this escape my attention? Hmmm. Well, of course, there is the fact that change is often subtle and gradual and takes us by surprise in that way. That might be part of it.
Then there is the fact that there were 2 & 1/2 years where my son lived and died and I was pretty much in every waking moment consumed with dealing with that reality. The two years prior to that I was taken up with the birth of our first born child and staying home and caring for him. The two years prior to that were taken up in getting married, moving, finding work, etc. And before that there were three years spent teaching on a reserve in Northern Canada. (And no, it really wasn't like an episode of "Northern Exposure. And yeah, living on a reserve up north will put you a bit out of touch with the rest of the world)
In short, the last 8 or 9-ish years of my life I have been both pre-occupied and out of the loop, so to speak. And this year, well, it has been strange for me. I feel like I have had much to think about, and been blessed with the time to do it.
The odd thing is that so much of it is inter-related and converges and recurs... It is kinda hard to explain. But here is one reason that makes it hard to know what to start writing about... I am afraid whatever I choose to write about, someone I know will feel I am writing particularly to them, about them, and for them. If they have a suspicious nature, maybe they will think I created this blog solely as a platform to talk about that.
But while my discussions and experiences with everyone where these topics meet together has molded and shaped my thinking and desire to write, it is not any one in specific that has motivated me, but rather everything as a whole. What do I mean by that?
Well, take for example, the whole emerging/emergent church movement. It's been coming at me from different directions and connects to so many things... So that, when I finally get around to writing about the emerging church I find it is, in places, connected to Catholicism, and it is connected to my experiences with Rob Bell. And my friends who like/use Rob Bell videos or books will perhaps think "Hey, she's writing this to US!" But then I have friends who are Catholic and I have a friend who once was Protestant and became Catholic and I also have a friend who is seriously considering becoming Catholic. And I worry that each of those people will think I am somehow trying to subversively engage them in a dialogue I am afraid to have face to face. Which I am not. I mean, I'm happy to talk face to face with any of you, but that is not the point so much of this blog.
But the thing is, I am finding more and more that so much of what I have been thinking about is... connected. I've been trying to pick it all apart, strand by strand, but it is pretty difficult. Postmodernism connected to the emerging church connected to interspirituality connected to mysticism and both connected to Roman Catholicism. Also mysticism connected to meditation which connects to "new spirituality" as well as to "vintage Christianity" which connects to the desert father which connects to the Roman Catholic church once again. And meditation connects to prayer. And mysticism, meditation, prayer, faith all connect to the whole experience vs. rationality debate... And I think I don't need to fill in how authority and the church and the Bible might connect here. But maybe you are beginning to understand what I am finding difficult in all this.
And the strange thing (or maybe all things considered, it is NOT strange) is that simultaneously I have friends examining Roman Catholicism, people I know practicing meditation (a rapidly growing phenomenon), a church I used to attend that introduced Rob Bell videos to me, and other situations and nuances too many and varied to list.
And I realize that once again this blog has written me instead of me writing it... I had meant to give you more of the background, the personal background, of my start in researching and thinking about all this stuff. But somehow the act of writing has carried me away off in another direction, and now I think this is a natural place to stop. And continue another day.
If you read my previous blogs, you already know something about my and my beliefs. Just a bit. If you came to this blog from my other blog, "Rainbows & Earthquakes," then you might know a lot more about me. But my other blog is primarily about thoughts and feelings and experiences of the last year of my son's life, his death, and thereafter. This blog is definitely a bit different.
This year I have sort of felt like I have been slowly "waking up" and making a "Rip Van Winkle" sort of discovery that things have changed. What "things" am I speaking of? Hard to know where to begin. But the most shocking changes have been in the world of faith and religion.
How did this escape my attention? Hmmm. Well, of course, there is the fact that change is often subtle and gradual and takes us by surprise in that way. That might be part of it.
Then there is the fact that there were 2 & 1/2 years where my son lived and died and I was pretty much in every waking moment consumed with dealing with that reality. The two years prior to that I was taken up with the birth of our first born child and staying home and caring for him. The two years prior to that were taken up in getting married, moving, finding work, etc. And before that there were three years spent teaching on a reserve in Northern Canada. (And no, it really wasn't like an episode of "Northern Exposure. And yeah, living on a reserve up north will put you a bit out of touch with the rest of the world)
In short, the last 8 or 9-ish years of my life I have been both pre-occupied and out of the loop, so to speak. And this year, well, it has been strange for me. I feel like I have had much to think about, and been blessed with the time to do it.
The odd thing is that so much of it is inter-related and converges and recurs... It is kinda hard to explain. But here is one reason that makes it hard to know what to start writing about... I am afraid whatever I choose to write about, someone I know will feel I am writing particularly to them, about them, and for them. If they have a suspicious nature, maybe they will think I created this blog solely as a platform to talk about that.
But while my discussions and experiences with everyone where these topics meet together has molded and shaped my thinking and desire to write, it is not any one in specific that has motivated me, but rather everything as a whole. What do I mean by that?
Well, take for example, the whole emerging/emergent church movement. It's been coming at me from different directions and connects to so many things... So that, when I finally get around to writing about the emerging church I find it is, in places, connected to Catholicism, and it is connected to my experiences with Rob Bell. And my friends who like/use Rob Bell videos or books will perhaps think "Hey, she's writing this to US!" But then I have friends who are Catholic and I have a friend who once was Protestant and became Catholic and I also have a friend who is seriously considering becoming Catholic. And I worry that each of those people will think I am somehow trying to subversively engage them in a dialogue I am afraid to have face to face. Which I am not. I mean, I'm happy to talk face to face with any of you, but that is not the point so much of this blog.
But the thing is, I am finding more and more that so much of what I have been thinking about is... connected. I've been trying to pick it all apart, strand by strand, but it is pretty difficult. Postmodernism connected to the emerging church connected to interspirituality connected to mysticism and both connected to Roman Catholicism. Also mysticism connected to meditation which connects to "new spirituality" as well as to "vintage Christianity" which connects to the desert father which connects to the Roman Catholic church once again. And meditation connects to prayer. And mysticism, meditation, prayer, faith all connect to the whole experience vs. rationality debate... And I think I don't need to fill in how authority and the church and the Bible might connect here. But maybe you are beginning to understand what I am finding difficult in all this.
And the strange thing (or maybe all things considered, it is NOT strange) is that simultaneously I have friends examining Roman Catholicism, people I know practicing meditation (a rapidly growing phenomenon), a church I used to attend that introduced Rob Bell videos to me, and other situations and nuances too many and varied to list.
And I realize that once again this blog has written me instead of me writing it... I had meant to give you more of the background, the personal background, of my start in researching and thinking about all this stuff. But somehow the act of writing has carried me away off in another direction, and now I think this is a natural place to stop. And continue another day.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Initial thoughts about Postmodernism.
Well, I already wrote a whole blog, and I think I might just scrap it. Or rather, rework it. Man, writing this blog is HARD for me.
I said this next blog would be about the Bible and Rob Bell and a personal story. But it is not. Blogger's prerogative to change her mind and all that stuff.
It's just that I felt it wasn't the best place to start, after all...
So, I have been doing some research. That word might be a bit of a misnomer, because it seems to imply something way more scholarly and smart that what I am doing. Oh yeah. But I, for lack of a better word, have been researching.
And the first book I have started reading is by Tony Jones. You may or may not know who he is. No matter, at this point. His book is called "Postmodern Youth Ministry." I am just about half way through the book. What can I say about it at this time? Hmmm... it is interesting? And I have been thinking.
Hear is something I want to clarify though. About this blog. And about me. I've started this blog, which is admittedly a bit of a monologue, as all blogs are, at heart. One reason is to force myself to solidify my thinking by expressing it and yes, even by possibly exposing it to dissenting viewpoints. It's good for me to face head on (and I'd add with God's help) views and opinions contrary to mine. But I'm not doing this primarily to learn. Hey, I'm just being up front and honest. And in doing so, I'm opening myself up to look a bit foolish. It is REALLY uncool to say "Hey, I'm not trying to learn from this." Isn't it?
Well, I have said this a bit too strongly. I DO want to learn, in this particular sense: I do want to understand what and how other people think. I do what to know what they believe. But this is not to absorb any of their "teaching." Which means, I am reading/listening critically, which is also a bit uncool. Oh yeah, I know. I'm pretty much the queen of uncool. I mean, I want to understand people, but I have NO desire to "broaden" my viewpoint. Before you bring me my crown and sceptre so I can start my reign as ignorant, close-minded and totally uncool queen, I will at least offer a very small not even really defense of this. :)
It is simply that I do not and never have sat totally unexposed to other views and beliefs because I feel threatened by them. I am hardly in any position to boast about my understanding of philosophy or other belief systems or whatever. Granted. But I did go to University where I took some courses in literature and came across a bit of deconstruction, relativism, Marxist theory, etc. And pretty much all my life long I have had at least one or maybe even more friends/coworkers/acquaintances who have disagreed with me on a lot of things.
In short, I can't stop you from feeling or believing that a position I hold to is mine because I was taught it and never questioned it. What I can tell you is that it is possible that some of the things I have rejected as beliefs, I have rejected because I examined them and found them wanting. Maybe my thinking is not good, but it is, at least, there. I'm going to be putting it out there and you can examine it yourself.
Tony Jones, in his book, is explaining as best as he can his understanding of postmodern thought. He writes that "Objectivity is out, subjectivity is in." (p.26) He continues on explaining that you can't truly be objective, because you are "always standing somewhere. Therefore I should preface all my thoughts with the statement: 'I am a 32 year-old, fairly affluent, Christian Euro white male living in middle America at the turn of the century'" (end quote)
I can't disagree that everything influences us. And that often we are even unaware of how we are being influenced. I will say, though, that I only can accept this up to a point. To say we can't claim an objective viewpoint is one thing. But that doesn't mean there is not an objective viewpoint out there. That viewpoint I would say is the one God holds. (yes, I realize that if you do not believe this, you have NO objective truth, outside of experience. I would see this as a bad thing. You are free to disagree.) And if God exists, then I'd say we should try, as much as we can, to bring our subjective viewpoint in line with the objective. No one can entirely succeed. But there is something to aim for.
I see a two-fold problem with "objectivity is out, subjectivity is in." (besides the fact I do believe in an Objective Viewpoint ;) ) The first one is that if you say objectivity is impossible and why bother to aim for it, then will you not become lost in a jungle of subjectivity? (I'll write more about that later.)
And the second thing is simply this: Tony Jones' preface statement that he is "a 32 year-old, fairly affluent... etc. does not really, actually inform everything he says or believes. What do I mean by this? Well, yes, we are influenced by influences. But we are not determined by them. Yes, OK, I realize that some might argue that we are. But really, honestly, is it not true that some raised up in a home of one religion or another will grow up and hold to it, and others will not? You can often see this in siblings. One grows up and adheres to the faith. Another grows up and rejects it violently. And in between there are many shades. Is this not so? Yes, there is influence. But the influence does not determine your thoughts and beliefs. You still evaluate them (or choose not too!) and "talk back" to them.
Have I made myself clear? I don't know. I'm not saying that complete objectivity is possible for a human being. I am saying that religious, economic, and cultural influences do not determine our beliefs. At some point there is an examination of them (or a choice NOT to examine them, which is still a choice). We need to be very careful in examining and understanding how these things influence us. But it seems to me to be unfair to overemphasis them. So, I went to university and came out with my faith in God and the Bible "in tact" as it were. You may have gone to university, and come out no longer believing the Bible is THE BIBLE. Is it fair to say that "higher education" will position you one way? Is it fair to say that age determines your view? Or that the fact you are white, black, brown or green will? Surely these things are influences...surely we should be aware of our tendency to think subjective thinking is really objective thinking.
But I hope you will not "write off" my thinking or my views because I am a 41 year old, middle class, Christian, white female... etc. I might surprise you. I know that objectivity is pretty difficult. It is for me. I know it will be for you. Still, should we just totally write off the attempt? Just something to think about, before I write about deconstruction, and "Truth" and stuff like that.
I said this next blog would be about the Bible and Rob Bell and a personal story. But it is not. Blogger's prerogative to change her mind and all that stuff.
It's just that I felt it wasn't the best place to start, after all...
So, I have been doing some research. That word might be a bit of a misnomer, because it seems to imply something way more scholarly and smart that what I am doing. Oh yeah. But I, for lack of a better word, have been researching.
And the first book I have started reading is by Tony Jones. You may or may not know who he is. No matter, at this point. His book is called "Postmodern Youth Ministry." I am just about half way through the book. What can I say about it at this time? Hmmm... it is interesting? And I have been thinking.
Hear is something I want to clarify though. About this blog. And about me. I've started this blog, which is admittedly a bit of a monologue, as all blogs are, at heart. One reason is to force myself to solidify my thinking by expressing it and yes, even by possibly exposing it to dissenting viewpoints. It's good for me to face head on (and I'd add with God's help) views and opinions contrary to mine. But I'm not doing this primarily to learn. Hey, I'm just being up front and honest. And in doing so, I'm opening myself up to look a bit foolish. It is REALLY uncool to say "Hey, I'm not trying to learn from this." Isn't it?
Well, I have said this a bit too strongly. I DO want to learn, in this particular sense: I do want to understand what and how other people think. I do what to know what they believe. But this is not to absorb any of their "teaching." Which means, I am reading/listening critically, which is also a bit uncool. Oh yeah, I know. I'm pretty much the queen of uncool. I mean, I want to understand people, but I have NO desire to "broaden" my viewpoint. Before you bring me my crown and sceptre so I can start my reign as ignorant, close-minded and totally uncool queen, I will at least offer a very small not even really defense of this. :)
It is simply that I do not and never have sat totally unexposed to other views and beliefs because I feel threatened by them. I am hardly in any position to boast about my understanding of philosophy or other belief systems or whatever. Granted. But I did go to University where I took some courses in literature and came across a bit of deconstruction, relativism, Marxist theory, etc. And pretty much all my life long I have had at least one or maybe even more friends/coworkers/acquaintances who have disagreed with me on a lot of things.
In short, I can't stop you from feeling or believing that a position I hold to is mine because I was taught it and never questioned it. What I can tell you is that it is possible that some of the things I have rejected as beliefs, I have rejected because I examined them and found them wanting. Maybe my thinking is not good, but it is, at least, there. I'm going to be putting it out there and you can examine it yourself.
Tony Jones, in his book, is explaining as best as he can his understanding of postmodern thought. He writes that "Objectivity is out, subjectivity is in." (p.26) He continues on explaining that you can't truly be objective, because you are "always standing somewhere. Therefore I should preface all my thoughts with the statement: 'I am a 32 year-old, fairly affluent, Christian Euro white male living in middle America at the turn of the century'" (end quote)
I can't disagree that everything influences us. And that often we are even unaware of how we are being influenced. I will say, though, that I only can accept this up to a point. To say we can't claim an objective viewpoint is one thing. But that doesn't mean there is not an objective viewpoint out there. That viewpoint I would say is the one God holds. (yes, I realize that if you do not believe this, you have NO objective truth, outside of experience. I would see this as a bad thing. You are free to disagree.) And if God exists, then I'd say we should try, as much as we can, to bring our subjective viewpoint in line with the objective. No one can entirely succeed. But there is something to aim for.
I see a two-fold problem with "objectivity is out, subjectivity is in." (besides the fact I do believe in an Objective Viewpoint ;) ) The first one is that if you say objectivity is impossible and why bother to aim for it, then will you not become lost in a jungle of subjectivity? (I'll write more about that later.)
And the second thing is simply this: Tony Jones' preface statement that he is "a 32 year-old, fairly affluent... etc. does not really, actually inform everything he says or believes. What do I mean by this? Well, yes, we are influenced by influences. But we are not determined by them. Yes, OK, I realize that some might argue that we are. But really, honestly, is it not true that some raised up in a home of one religion or another will grow up and hold to it, and others will not? You can often see this in siblings. One grows up and adheres to the faith. Another grows up and rejects it violently. And in between there are many shades. Is this not so? Yes, there is influence. But the influence does not determine your thoughts and beliefs. You still evaluate them (or choose not too!) and "talk back" to them.
Have I made myself clear? I don't know. I'm not saying that complete objectivity is possible for a human being. I am saying that religious, economic, and cultural influences do not determine our beliefs. At some point there is an examination of them (or a choice NOT to examine them, which is still a choice). We need to be very careful in examining and understanding how these things influence us. But it seems to me to be unfair to overemphasis them. So, I went to university and came out with my faith in God and the Bible "in tact" as it were. You may have gone to university, and come out no longer believing the Bible is THE BIBLE. Is it fair to say that "higher education" will position you one way? Is it fair to say that age determines your view? Or that the fact you are white, black, brown or green will? Surely these things are influences...surely we should be aware of our tendency to think subjective thinking is really objective thinking.
But I hope you will not "write off" my thinking or my views because I am a 41 year old, middle class, Christian, white female... etc. I might surprise you. I know that objectivity is pretty difficult. It is for me. I know it will be for you. Still, should we just totally write off the attempt? Just something to think about, before I write about deconstruction, and "Truth" and stuff like that.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A Bit of an Introduction
I have toyed with starting up this blog for quite a while now. And every time I thought "OK, I'm going to DO it," as soon as I sat in front of the computer, my motivation fizzled. Big time.
Why?
Well, from my introduction you can see that the thoughts I plan on sharing here have to do with "God" as in big G. And since I hold on to a view that truth, by it's very nature and definition must at some point be absolute...well.
I was afraid. Yes. I was afraid of some of the things I'd be writing, because of the potential (likelihood) that I would offend someone. Daily.
Why am I afraid of offending people? (rhetorical questions are so great, eh?)
That is a pretty complicated question, and here is the thinking on it I have so far:
1. I am a chicken. Now you know. At heart, I am a chicken, and I really am afraid that someone will write me an ugly comment, tell me I am a judgmental, fundamentalist, idiot whose time would best be used in a taking a long hike ending in death. No, seriously, have you read some of the comments people make? And I am afraid that someone would write that to me, and then I'd cry and feel bad for days.... YES SERIOUSLY. Look, despite the fact I am "outspoken" I might actually be afraid of what even complete strangers say because I might be sensitive.
2. Going along with being a chicken about hateful comments, I am also afraid that I might lose a friend or two, or maybe just some acquaintances. If you have not figured it out by now, yes, I am a person who really wants people to like me. I don't want any of my friends to decide they better stop hanging out with me.
These first two are about me. Undoubtedly self-serving and self-centred reasons. One reason why I knew I should reject them as reasons not to post openly my thoughts about important things.
More compelling is:
3. I am afraid that I will offend someone and it might be because I let my desire to be "clever" (sarcastic? biting? superior?) take over and it would be MY fault they were offended. Some days I think I am pretty witty and intelligent. Some days I might not get a much needed reality check before I sit down here. And what I say, I want to say out of love for other people and love for the truth, hand in hand, and not let any desire to impress with my wit or smarts take over.
4. Often when I see "offend" what I am thinking is that a person might now have irretrievably shut the door on a TRUTH which they need because it was delivered "the wrong way." Herein lies no small problem. Some truths are at heart offensive. "You have halitosis." Just as an example. For some people a deprecating smile, a stick of gum offered in hand with the comment "I love a stick of gum, it sure helps me when I can't get to a toothbrush," well, that might be like hitting em on the head. They might now realize "Oh, I think they are saying I have bad breath, maybe this is chronic, maybe I need to use mouthwash every morning or chew lots of gum."
But this is not everyone. Some of us might say "Oh, no thanks, I don't like gum" and have NO CLUE that we actually were offered the gum due to less than stellar breath.
Now that I have totally confused you, no, I am NOT saying that any of YOU have halitosis. I'm just saying that the very nature of truth may at times be unpleasant and you might not like to hear it no matter how nicely it is said. Also, subtly and hints can be confusing. Saying it straight out like it is can be offensive. What is a person to do?
So, taking a very real example, saying I believe in the concept of "sin" might make people feel a bit worried about what is coming next. I can nicely dance around this concept, couching it in terms like "we all make mistakes" or "nobody is perfect" or "to be human is to have regrets," etc, etc.
Out of fear of offending people, I HAVE done this. And then found myself disingenuous, upon later reflection. Because really, a "mistake" is an error in judgment. And while "sin," I would agree, is absolutely an error in judgement, it is a moral error, and a spiritual error, which a mistake is NOT. Right? Kind of an important distinction.
And the truth is, I believe that the concept "sin" is not just a concept but a reality. I DO believe that there are actions and/or attitudes that are morally and spiritually wrong and I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Oh, except to add that in deciding what attitudes and actions go under the umbrella of "sin," God's Word, the Bible, is the absolute standard.
At this point (and it is my very first blog too) I may have already managed to turn quite a few people really off this blog. Talking about sin straight up right off the bat is sorta uncouth in some circles, eh? Anyone want a stick of gum right now? (ha ha, weak joke.) Some one might be reading this and going "Oh, I KNOW where this blog is going! I don't need to come back here!"
Well, oddly enough, the point of this blog is NOT to write about sin, though I'm sure it might get a mention occasionally, that is not the driving force. I've been thinking a LOT lately about things like: mysticism, free will, post modernism, how to read the Bible, discernment, spirituality, what it means to be led by the Holy Spirit, God's love, the "apocalypse"... see what I mean?
I have a lot I'd like to write about. But the seeds of disagreement are buried in these topics. And therein lies the potential to offend some. Honest disagreement CAN NOT validate a dissenting opinion... which means, I'm not a relativist. I find saying "It's true for you, but not for me" to be one of the most irrational things one can say. Here is a quote a recently heard, but I can't tell ya where it originated, sorry. "Truth without love is a killer, but love without truth is a liar."
So the point of this post is to be honest with you about the fact that I'm going to be honest with you. And that I am afraid to be that honest. Because there might be some of you out there reading this that I do love. And I don't want to hurt you by disagreeing with you. But I'm not prepared to be a liar about what I think and believe.
Now you know. Logically, I think the next blog I'll be writing will be some thoughts about the Bible. That is a pretty big topic. There may be a few blogs. So, THIS one is going to be about the Bible, about Rob Bell (guy who wrote Love Wins & Velvet Elvis), church authority, and some personal stuff about me.
Why?
Well, from my introduction you can see that the thoughts I plan on sharing here have to do with "God" as in big G. And since I hold on to a view that truth, by it's very nature and definition must at some point be absolute...well.
I was afraid. Yes. I was afraid of some of the things I'd be writing, because of the potential (likelihood) that I would offend someone. Daily.
Why am I afraid of offending people? (rhetorical questions are so great, eh?)
That is a pretty complicated question, and here is the thinking on it I have so far:
1. I am a chicken. Now you know. At heart, I am a chicken, and I really am afraid that someone will write me an ugly comment, tell me I am a judgmental, fundamentalist, idiot whose time would best be used in a taking a long hike ending in death. No, seriously, have you read some of the comments people make? And I am afraid that someone would write that to me, and then I'd cry and feel bad for days.... YES SERIOUSLY. Look, despite the fact I am "outspoken" I might actually be afraid of what even complete strangers say because I might be sensitive.
2. Going along with being a chicken about hateful comments, I am also afraid that I might lose a friend or two, or maybe just some acquaintances. If you have not figured it out by now, yes, I am a person who really wants people to like me. I don't want any of my friends to decide they better stop hanging out with me.
These first two are about me. Undoubtedly self-serving and self-centred reasons. One reason why I knew I should reject them as reasons not to post openly my thoughts about important things.
More compelling is:
3. I am afraid that I will offend someone and it might be because I let my desire to be "clever" (sarcastic? biting? superior?) take over and it would be MY fault they were offended. Some days I think I am pretty witty and intelligent. Some days I might not get a much needed reality check before I sit down here. And what I say, I want to say out of love for other people and love for the truth, hand in hand, and not let any desire to impress with my wit or smarts take over.
4. Often when I see "offend" what I am thinking is that a person might now have irretrievably shut the door on a TRUTH which they need because it was delivered "the wrong way." Herein lies no small problem. Some truths are at heart offensive. "You have halitosis." Just as an example. For some people a deprecating smile, a stick of gum offered in hand with the comment "I love a stick of gum, it sure helps me when I can't get to a toothbrush," well, that might be like hitting em on the head. They might now realize "Oh, I think they are saying I have bad breath, maybe this is chronic, maybe I need to use mouthwash every morning or chew lots of gum."
But this is not everyone. Some of us might say "Oh, no thanks, I don't like gum" and have NO CLUE that we actually were offered the gum due to less than stellar breath.
Now that I have totally confused you, no, I am NOT saying that any of YOU have halitosis. I'm just saying that the very nature of truth may at times be unpleasant and you might not like to hear it no matter how nicely it is said. Also, subtly and hints can be confusing. Saying it straight out like it is can be offensive. What is a person to do?
So, taking a very real example, saying I believe in the concept of "sin" might make people feel a bit worried about what is coming next. I can nicely dance around this concept, couching it in terms like "we all make mistakes" or "nobody is perfect" or "to be human is to have regrets," etc, etc.
Out of fear of offending people, I HAVE done this. And then found myself disingenuous, upon later reflection. Because really, a "mistake" is an error in judgment. And while "sin," I would agree, is absolutely an error in judgement, it is a moral error, and a spiritual error, which a mistake is NOT. Right? Kind of an important distinction.
And the truth is, I believe that the concept "sin" is not just a concept but a reality. I DO believe that there are actions and/or attitudes that are morally and spiritually wrong and I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Oh, except to add that in deciding what attitudes and actions go under the umbrella of "sin," God's Word, the Bible, is the absolute standard.
At this point (and it is my very first blog too) I may have already managed to turn quite a few people really off this blog. Talking about sin straight up right off the bat is sorta uncouth in some circles, eh? Anyone want a stick of gum right now? (ha ha, weak joke.) Some one might be reading this and going "Oh, I KNOW where this blog is going! I don't need to come back here!"
Well, oddly enough, the point of this blog is NOT to write about sin, though I'm sure it might get a mention occasionally, that is not the driving force. I've been thinking a LOT lately about things like: mysticism, free will, post modernism, how to read the Bible, discernment, spirituality, what it means to be led by the Holy Spirit, God's love, the "apocalypse"... see what I mean?
I have a lot I'd like to write about. But the seeds of disagreement are buried in these topics. And therein lies the potential to offend some. Honest disagreement CAN NOT validate a dissenting opinion... which means, I'm not a relativist. I find saying "It's true for you, but not for me" to be one of the most irrational things one can say. Here is a quote a recently heard, but I can't tell ya where it originated, sorry. "Truth without love is a killer, but love without truth is a liar."
So the point of this post is to be honest with you about the fact that I'm going to be honest with you. And that I am afraid to be that honest. Because there might be some of you out there reading this that I do love. And I don't want to hurt you by disagreeing with you. But I'm not prepared to be a liar about what I think and believe.
Now you know. Logically, I think the next blog I'll be writing will be some thoughts about the Bible. That is a pretty big topic. There may be a few blogs. So, THIS one is going to be about the Bible, about Rob Bell (guy who wrote Love Wins & Velvet Elvis), church authority, and some personal stuff about me.
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